Every moment we surrender our hearts to Jesus, he uses. He doesn't leave us as a shattered mess. Oh, it may certainly feel like it, when triggers of past trauma arise. However I believe God uses all those broken pieces for his Glory.
This week's events had triggered many childhood memories in my heart. The sum of which was the message deep in my soul that I was deemed worthless, because I was treated so cruelly as a child, while it seemed everyone was oblivious or condoning or participating in sin while pretending to be Godly.
I may never be able to make sense of the cruelty I survived, or the shaming I've experienced many times over for saying no to all that is wicked. I am comforted that God is able to make sense of our pain. He knows all the why, what and how of each broken piece of our hearts. While others may not be face the painful truths of what was, God does. He sees every confusing piece of the puzzle.
He doesn't get overwhelmed by it. So he doesn't mask the truth. There are no smoke and mirrors in the kingdom of heaven. Sin is sin, evil is evil, lust is lust, aboninations are abominations. His eyes cut past the denial, the lies we tell ourselves and the lies we have believed.
So, that shadow of the past that reminds me of being deemed worthless trash? What does God do with that?
He speaks truth into each memory.
To the little girl who was abandoned, the one who was tied up, the one who was locked up with the garbage, the one who raped, and assaulted year after year, the one who was covered with spiders, the one who was beaten over and over, the silenced, shamed and disowned one. His voice never says""You are worthless trash, NO! . His voice Lord breaks through the darkest lie.
He hates all that is wicked. He hates what is vile. He sees what is done in darkness, he
Is El roi, the God who sees.
No amount of smoke and mirrors, can blind Gods eyes. Perfect pictures and performances don't fool him because he Is truth!
Where man has deemed his workmanship as worthless, he instead redeems. He calls us his own. He loves us deeply.
