A golden core, draped in thier shame

All my life, I felt so destroyed by the horrors perpetuated against me. I thought every part of me was broken beyond repair. With that belief my hope was snuffed out. 

But yesterday during a session of EMDR I had a breakthrough that will forever change my life. 

That tiny little girl who suffered at the hands of the wicked, was not wicked herself.  She was a sweet little girl who loved deeply, served tirelessly and longed to be good and pure in all her ways. 

Inside her was this golden core, a part that never died or faded. It always loved others, always had compassion and always lived a life with a unswerving desire to bless and honor both God and man. 

From the day  I was born, the wicked forged costumes for me to wear. They were forged out of thier vile thoughts, their wicked actions. They covered me with a costume of shame, and insisted I wear it every day. 

I'd look in the mirror and see the costume they placed on me, shame, disgrace and worthlessness. The mask they made me wear, hid the truth. But no matter what they said or did, my inner core still shone brightly through.   They destroyed my flesh but nothing could touch that core. 

I've lived a life of passion, seeking to help other victims, seeking to help the poor, broken hearted and destitute, because I know what it feels like to loose hope. 

But yesterday, I realized that I've been wearing thier shame and filth, the costume they forged from thier own wickedness. I wore it like it was me. It had nothing to do with me. It was their filth. 

As I unzipped the wretched costume I'd worn, and removed the mask of worthlessness,  what was left behind was me. I could see my golden core who I've chosen to be, despite it all. I am a child of Grace, filled with overwhelming love and compassion. I always was and always will be. 

I survived 34 years of violence and sexual assault. They stole so much from me. But.... they couldn't touch that core, it radiates brightly bringing hope with each breath. 

I'm burning that costume, worthless, dirty, unlovable, stupid, dumb, soiled, and more. It's not who I am. It never was. 

I've stepped out, my step is light. The burden I've carried has been removed. I was never Shattered, just hidden by thier projections. 

I am whole, and hope filled