Echoing in the deepest, parts of my heart I hear their words as they cut and slice at my very person, stripping off chunks of flesh as they go. I try to cling to the truth of who I am, yet their words strangle me like a cord around my neck. I try to close my eyes but with my eyes closed I see the cold looks in their eye as they berate me again and again, causing me to wonder if I am really of value at all, causing me to second guess everything I think, I believe I am.
Emotional abuse and character assassination work hand in hand like a gun and bullet bringing untold destruction. The trauma I've lived has left my world like a dark barren wasteland where there was once life, and joy and laughter.
This cavern of despair is so deep and far and wide that I can not climb out on my own. I pray for a lifeline. I pray that those who have raped my heart, again and again, will be so deeply convicted that they won't be able to sleep until they have repented.
I pray that healing will come, that the sky will one day be blue again, and that I will find hope once more. That the shattered ruins of my life will count for something.
I know that despite the incredible pain I feel I am not alone. I have a loving heavenly father. I know he weeps alongside me. I have a loving husband, who mourns with me and prays that my shattered heart will heal.
He heals my broken heart. It is moment by moment as if I have died and he now breaths his life slowly into my lungs knowing that I am to frail to accept more than a gentle breathe at a time. In the midst of the pain he teaches me what it means to love your enemies and bless those who curse uou. I choose love in the midst of the pain.
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