Standing at the Precipice

In a childlike fantasy, I  imagined that life would be a blissful adventure filled with serene moments like those you feel when starring out a glassy lake, nestled in front of breathtaking mountains.

As I watched the last of the beautiful wildflowers be swept up under our lawnmower in our backyard, I was quickly brought back to reality.  The world we live in is filled with harsh realities. Death, destruction, and pain are always only a breath away. The optimist in me would like to sugar coat that reality with reminders that soft fuzzy kittens do exist and the sunrise on a crisp spring morning can take my breath away. However, that does not negate the truth that pain is a very real part of our lives.

I have not lived an easy life. In fact, many have said to me that they don't know how I survived all the pain that was allotted me.  I used to the think that if I was somehow a good enough child, I would not be beaten. If I were a good enough wife I would not be abused. I thought that if I was a good enough Christian then God would ensure that evil people would never touch me.

I heard people teach this philosophy clinging to only a part of the bible they'd read and not taking the whole book into consideration. Then I would read about Joseph or Job and see the pain and anguish they went through, as righteous men.

Naturally, I wish life was peaceful and easy. However, even today I stand at the precipice of uncertainty. I do not know what the future holds. I do not know how I will get past the trauma and hurt that has been ravaging my heart in recent weeks.  I do not know what God has planned for my future.  But this is the one thing I can stand on,  I know who holds my future. I have laid it down at the feet of Jesus and asked him to be a comforter, my healer, and my provider.  I know that He is sovereign over every part of my life.  I don't believe He is preoccupied with my comfort, rather, He is determined to shape my heart through the pain.

So, as the lashes of this sinful world take a tole on my flesh, I stand humbly before a sovereign God and declare it is well with my soul. I will trust in my maker knowing that he has an eternal plan for me. I am loved, I am chosen and I am His daughter that he looks down upon with loving kindness.

Psalm 103:15-19 As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. 16 When the wind has passed over it, it is no more; And its place acknowledges it no longer. 17 But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children’s children, 18 To those who keep His covenant, And who remember His precepts to do them. 19 The LORD has established His throne in the heavens, And His sovereignty rules over all. (emphasis mine)