Trust

Trust, what is trust really.  Is it a guarantee, a contract, a feeling?  When people have betrayed you a thousand times over, then the idea of trust becomes more vague. Trust becomes like the wind, you feel it at times but when it disappears you are left with a deadness in its place.

Some people should never be trusted.  I have learned through painful events, not trust. If  I base my future on my broken childhood I would never trust again.  My parents broke my trust by harming me and not protecting me from life-changing harm. The adults in my life stole my innocence for their own selfish satisfaction. So I choose to never trust those individuals again.

But can I trust someone new.  After an abusive marriage, I chose to trust another man and that was a wise choice. But I didn't just trust for the sake of trusting.  I trusted he would be faithful because I saw him being faithful with his sick cats, caring for them when others would have put them down. I saw him being faithful with his responsibilities and with his lifestyle.  I saw evidence that he was in fact trustworthy.

I am trying to grapple with a deep betrayal that has caused life-changing damage. My trust has been so shattered that I became afraid to trust anyone at all. I have called into question whether my closest friends are even trustworthy.

Yet in the midst of pain and heartache, I am going to choose to trust God. I may lose everything but I will never lose his love.  Others may destroy my life, my career, my reputation and my future but they can not separate me from God's love. I can trust Him even when my world is crumbling at my feet. i can trust that he will be with me and help me through this painful season. I can trust that he will restore the parts of my heart that are shattered and use this pain for His glory.  I can trust that he will provide. I will be ok eventually.