Grace in the Midst of Flashbacks

Grace, in the midst of Flashbacks....

In the space of a single moment, your mind can  rapidly, involuntarily replay the horrors you've survived. Your heart races, your body freezes and your body releases a flood of chemicals and neurological responses as if it were happening all over again. 

You didn't dwell on the past, you didn't intentionally do Anything, yet the trauma was triggered in all its volatility. 

Those who have never known severe trauma often will ignorantly say things like:

-Well, just move past it...

-Don't look back...

- Just give it to Jesus...( as if the person hasn't done  so a million times over, praying for help and healing. )

- Try not to think about it...  

Well meaning people say things while they are utterly oblivious to how the brain works, how trauma rewires the brain and how  all those suggestions just heap more shame on a person!

On occasion,  my sinful flesh has angrily thought ," I'd like to see them glibly say that, after being.......

 [violently raped,  repeatedly assaulted, or tied up, or  tortured  or locked up in a dark scary space or violently abused, or suffocated, or stalked etc etc etc]. And if they experienced all and more, would they begin to understand those of us who have? 

As much as I want to educate others on the authentic realities of surviving of abuse, the truth is I would never wish any of that on a single soul.

Instead I yearn for us to be a people of Grace! 

Did you know that  1 in three little girls are sexually abused. Moreover, Canadian statistics say, at least 30% of all women over the age of 15  have been sexually assaulted or raped.  Many victims of child sexual abuse were assaulted for years, or even decades. 44% of women have survived domestic violence. These are facts!

We acknowledge the horror of sex trafficking, yet somehow forget that many women experienced the similar years of horrors within  their own families and communities without a single penny being paid. If you knew what God knew, and saw the truth of what's been done you'd  never be the same again. 

We need Grace.... !!!

There is a need for GRACE, for ourselves and others who have experienced abuse. 

There also needs to be understanding.Traumatic flashbacks are an involuntary response, triggered by normal sights, sounds, words, smells etc. 

Something as simple as the sound a door makes when it opens, can trigger an involuntary cacophony of horrific memories in someone who has experienced trauma. 

Here is a mild Example; 

 Seeing a tiny spider, triggers terror in me and the memory of being 8, as my father cruelly dumped a viel of spiders into my shirt, then violently beat me for screaming in terror as they crawled all over my flesh. 

I can think as an adult and rationalize but when that memory is triggered, my subconscious brain responds to the threat as if it were happening in the present.

Myth: recalling memories is a voluntary choice, to live in the past as a victim

Myth: recalling past trauma means you haven't forgiven.  

Truth: As a person experiences flashbacks they are being given opportunities to begin working through the horror thier mind wasn't ready to face at the time of the trauma.

Truth: No one wants to relive the nightmare they already survived. For this reason we block out memories, we suppress feelings that surface and at times do more damage by not working through our brokenness. 

Grace for ourselves, allows us to accept what has happened and work through the trauma, breathing truth into each memory. 

Grace for others, means choosing not to judge a person by the pain they feel. Grace for others is choosing  not to shame a person,  who has already been forced to  carry the shame of others sin against them. 

If you haven't walked in another's shoes, you can not know another's journey! 

How long do think it would take to You, to heal from a violent rape,? What about 10 violent sexual assaults?, what about 100? What about decades of violent assaults? 

How long does it take to recover from attempted murder? How long does it take to recover from years of being beaten, and abused? I pray your brain can't fathom what it would be like... 

But, in the somber reality of those questions I challenge you to then have Grace. 

When you see 10 women in a room, statistics say 3-4 of them will know the painful reality of which I'm blogging about.  They may never tell a soul. They may work very hard to hide the pain they feel. Maybe their pain comes out in other ways? 

Grace... 

May it pour over us. May we have grace to face our past, and grace to allow ourselves the gift of a future without abuse. 

May we have grace to cry, without shame, grace to wrestle with God, grace to allow ourselves the time it takes to heal. 

May we have grace to accept where we ar with compassion for ourselves. 

May we have Grace for the child, or teen or adult part of ourselves or others, who wasn't able to cope with the trauma in the moment.

May we have grace for ourselves and others as the flashbacks come. 

May we show grace by understanding that each person on the planet has varying amounts of elasticity. Some may have been stretched already to their breaking point... 

God himself is Gracious. 

May we choose to be vessels of Grace, and instruments of healing.

From the blog "Shattered Hearts Restored" by Kirsten Emmanuel.  A journey of healing.