Sweet, Trauma Responses- being agreable to protect yourself

BOUNDARIES: 

That first sentence hit so hard. "Agreeing to things, just to keep the peace is a trauma response". How many times have I been agreeable, instead of honest, while my insides screamed no. "Oh Lord help me,"... too many times!

Boundaries are hard for me! I grew up in an environment where personal boundaries were not permitted, let alone respected. Being agreeable was a form of self protection from the escalation of violence that was a constant part of my childhood and first marriage. 

 I have to work extra hard to break patterns of passivity. Whether I like it or not, being passively agreeable in order to please others is actually being deceitful. Ouch what?? Yikes, I said it. It is  not being truthful to yourself or others. 

If I agree to something, while my body screams no, my mind pleads with me to say no, but I smile and bend to the will of others, I'm not doing anyone any favors. 

We each have variable amounts of elasticity. Passivity can result in us pushing ourselves too far, too hard. We become  stretched so thin that we loose elasticity and burn out. 

In contrast, when healing from trauma takes place, we begin to  advocate for ourselves, respect ourselves, and as a result we learn to speak truth. 

" No, I'm not up to doing that." 

" thanks for asking , but I need to decline."

" I appreciate your need, but I'm going to have to say no." 

In saying No, you :

* break passivity 

* are honest with yourself and others

* are respecting yourself as God intended

* are excerising emotionally healthy boundaries 

* it is showing respect to others, trusting them with competence to emotionally cope with your no. 

I have soooo far to go, but being healthy is a journey, a daily moment by moment journey. I take one step, then another. If I fall, I dust myself off, learn from my fall and keep pressing forward.

From the blog Shattered Hearts Restored by Kirsten Emmanuel .