Running from the past

Past traumas can be crippling as they affect every cell in your body, your hormones, your brain activity, your digestive systems, your nervous system and even your respiratory system. 

Some people say ignorant things like, just don't think about it. Ask yourself this, if you push it down, where does it go? When will it be triggered and cause you all consuming distress, and how will it affect your health, long term. 

Did you know that survivors of extensive child abuse are at much higher risk of cancer, stroke, and heart attack, let alone an extraordinarily high risk of severe auto immune conditions. 

Drs have a scale they use called ACE. Adverse  experience test. Anything over a 4 out of ten places you at high risk of so many medical conditions,. My A.C.E. score is a seven. 

A single 3 second flashback of being violently raped at age seven, makes my heart pound, tears pour, muscles contract. My blood rushes from my brain making me foggy. My insides react as if it's happening now, with muscle memories, phantom pain and multi system response. I feel sick to my stomach, struggle to breathe. Etc.... 

I have two choices now, I can push it back down. However trauma memories are like jack in the boxes, you never know when or where they will surface. If you are in mixed company, working or out in public, there is no way to time it. 

Or, my second choice is to face it. I contain it In my minds eye temporarily until I can meet with a therapist who can assist me through it. 

I hate fresh triggers like the one that had me sobbing today. They are horrific. But it's present now. I'm adult. It's just a traumatic memory, not a current happening. I already survived the horror, now it's time to heal. There is no running from the past, or it catches up to you and takes you down.