Fragments of my mind

I wish for a moment that I could listen to the thoughts of another person so see how others minds are. I only know mine and it has been fragmented by Cptd since I was very young. 

I can't even count how many flashbacks I get in a day. They aren't necessarily crippling but they certainly impact my whole being and how I see myself. 

I feel ar war within myself on a moment by moment basis. I imagine rejection by others, then try to convince myself that I'm just catastrisizing. If overthink everything, playing imaginary conversations in my mind of how I wish it could go. Sometimes these imaginings keep me up all night.  This happens any time there is stress in a relationship,  and I'm triggered by it, fearing rejection and wanting desperately to explain myself fearing all be misunderstood, like in my childhood. 

This Cptsd is a crazy making experience. I want a steady mind, not a fragmented mind, that swirls with anxiety, fear, insecurity and awful memories.  

No one knows my story from beginning to end, no one knows the details. A part of me wished someone wanted to know and would be safe to tell. I feel like I've carried this nightmare alone for too long. 

Until then my story will remain as broken fragments of my messed up mind.