Bound

I woke up from another nightmare, terror coursing through me. My body shaking so violently that I could not stop. As I try to calm myself down and tell myself I am ok, the memory replays in my head of being bound and gagged by the teenager who on other occasions was sexually abusing me. 

I must only be six or seven. I had woken up in the morning to find that my mom was gone for the day. Rob (a teenage foster kid) and my brothers seemed to be scheming something.  I asked what they were doing.  

They took me and held me down to a chair, kicking and screaming. They tied my hands behind my back and wrapped ropes around my chest. My ankles were tied down with ropes too. A gag was put in my mouth and tied tightly around my head.  I couldn't move. then they left me there, completely alone. I felt hysterical.

 I tried to cry and scream despite the gag, but no one would come and rescue me. Robert said he didn't want me around bothering them and this would teach me a lesson. As I sat there imprisoned, hour after hour I felt an overwhelming sense of powerlessness and rejection. I tried desperately to escape but it was futile. the ropes were too tight, they hurt. I couldn't use the bathroom, I could only wet myself. I couldn't escape. I was terrified. They locked me in the room until the evening when my parents came home. My mom made them untie me so I could go to bed. The only consequences for the torture I endured were that Rob had to read me a story. It is the only time I ever remember being read to. I felt guilty for enjoying the story.